Yo Old!

Anyone else not sure how old they are?

For the record, I am legally 34 years old. I say “legally” because that’s what it says on my driver’s license and other legal documents. That’s probably because if you do the math from my date of birth, it amounts to roughly 34 years on this planet.

I’m not sure that’s how old I actually am, though.

So how old am I, non-legally speaking? I don’t really know.

I feel like my age is in constant flux. There are many occasions where I feel I’m really young. I listen to The Young People’s radio station. (At least I think it is The Young People’s radio station. Although I listen to it via my car stereo and not through some fancy streaming device, so it’s probably not that youth-friendly. I can at least promise it’s not the oldies station.)

I regularly see people that — at least judging by appearances — are older than me.

I have a fairly good grasp on technology and can learn quickly.

My student loans were unspeakably high.

I think all those things qualify me for membership among The Young People.

But then I think of my sister in law.

She happens to be a card carrying member of The Teenage Club. Sometimes I see that she posts something on Facebook at an early hour, such as 5 AM.

“Wow, you’re up early,” I’ll comment.

“Oh that?” she’ll respond. “I posted that right before I went to bed.”

Are you following this, people? She was up until 5 AM, not getting up early.

And then she can go to bed and wake up a few hours later with more energy than I’ve had IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I’m pretty sure that’s not an exaggeration, because I can’t remember ever being that awake. EVER.

Yes, I know I said earlier that I have a good memory. But apparently it goes out the window when younger people are around.

Wait, did I say I have a good memory? Or did I just think that? Am I forgetful too?

Did you just scroll back earlier in the post to check that statement? Please say you did. It would make me feel so much better.

The last time I saw my teenage sister in law (she lives in another state, so I don’t see her often) I was asked by a random stranger if she was my daughter.

MEANING I LOOKED OLD ENOUGH TO BE HER MOTHER.

You know the scene in Snow White when the evil queen takes the potion to disguise herself and she starts rapidly aging until she becomes a cackling old crone? That’s what I felt like in that moment.

So getting back to how this post started — sometimes I feel young. Sometimes I feel old. Sometimes I just am. And sometimes these age changes come really quickly.

I’ve heard the Even Younger Than Me People throw out an acronym. YOLO. It stands for You Only Live Once. This morning I heard it and I thought someone was saying “Yo Old!” Like they were trying to remind me that people younger than me exist and therefore I am a dinosaur.

And then I thought — what if I made this phrase into something that could help me on those days when my age changes back and forth so much that it makes my head hurt.

Let’s say I was feeling kinda off one day. On the one hand, I managed to only get a few hours of sleep which made me feel like a teenager. But then I needed a gallon of caffeine to actually have some use of my brain cells, which made me feel Not Like A Teenager.

Someone could say the magic phrase to me — “Y’Old” (short for young-old). And suddenly I’d remember “okay, I may be older than a teenager, but I’m old enough to have money. Like REAL money. And I don’t have wrinkles yet. So that still makes me young. I am living the dream over here. Y’OLD!”

Maybe this is a public service I can offer to my fellow thirtysomethings. When they’re starting to feel disoriented from being in that middle place between young and old I’ll walk by and shout “Y’OLD!” And everything will be made better. And the actual youngsters will think I said “YOLO,” and they will accept me as Cool and (Almost) One of their Own.

Not that that’s my goal or anything.

So how old do you feel? And how do you feel about being y’old? Tell me about in the comments. I’ll read them tomorrow. It’s late-ish and time for this y’old lady to go to bed.