Boldly Going Where No Cat Has Gone Before

I can’t tell if my cat is a diabolical genius or just a jerk.

The other night I awoke with a start at 2 AM when I heard the distinct sounds of a cat fight.

I thought maybe I was just dreaming it all, but then I heard more cat fighting sounds, followed by my cat’s legendary Sad Meow.

“She must be fighting the other cat,” I thought, trying to go back to sleep.

Then I remembered I didn’t have another cat. And I got really confused.

“Maybe she’s fighting another cat through the window.”

Then I told myself that wasn’t likely, as I have never once seen a stray cat in our neighborhood, much less one that could scale our privacy fence to pick a fight with my cat at 2 AM.

And then the loopiness really started to kick in. “Well, if she’s not fighting another cat through the window, maybe another cat got inside the house somehow.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” said the more logical part of my brain.

“Shut up. No I’m not,” responded the more tired part of my head. “It could happen. Cats are really sneaky. One could have slipped in when we opened the garage door and hid under the couch until we went to bed.”

“I doubt that.”

“OR…”

“Don’t say it,” Logical Brain warned.

“It could be a cat…from another dimension.”

(In case you were wondering, Logical Brain has eyes, and she rolled them at this precise moment.)

THAT WAS IT, I thought to myself. A rogue enemy cat had traveled through space and time to pick a fight with my feline.

Now that I had figured it out (or so I thought), I needed to make a plan. Clearly, my cat was in trouble and needed help.

“I should bring a weapon just in case,” I thought, scanning the dark bedroom for ideas. The Husband does have a concealed carry permit. I contemplated waking him up and asking him to sweep the house. But then I remembered the old saying — never bring a gun to an intergalactic space cat fight. At least I think that’s the saying. Or maybe it was let sleeping husbands lie (instead of waking them up to fight space cats).

Eventually I decided to open the bedroom door and start investigating. And who should be standing right there looking calm and collected?

My cat. And she looked quite pleased with herself that her plan to get me out of bed worked.

I checked her over to make sure she hadn’t injured herself somehow. Nope. She was just fine. Purring, even.

“Don’t wake me up like that, cat,” I said, heading back to bed.

It took me a while to get back to sleep. Before I did, I texted my husband a request. I asked him to remind me to write about 2 AM space cat battles.

He was very confused in the morning.

Anyone ever have a pet go to great lengths to get their attention? Tell me about it in the comments. I’ll read them as soon as I’m done checking the house for cat-sized wormholes.