Looking to de-stress at work? The Cat has some tips.

Once upon a time when I was a perpetually tired, overworked, underappreciated graduate student, I completed an internship at a college counseling center. “Amy, if you were so tired, overworked, and underappreciated, why did you take on an internship on top of your full time job and full time course load?” you ask. Because it was required, that’s why. The College of Social Work also required volunteer hours and advocacy projects on top of that…you know, in case I got bored. I’m not still tired or anything. *takes another swig of caffeine*

Anyways, back to the story. Once upon a time in that college counseling center, our staff would periodically organize Puppy Play Days. We’d bring in a whole mess of puppies and schlep them over to the student union. Students would gather from all ends of the earth to play with the dogs, eat some cookies, color in a coloring book, visit the on site massage therapists, etc. (Yes, we really did all those things in addition to the puppies.) It was loud and crazy, and they loved it. Even though I am not a dog person, I kinda envied those college kids.

“My job would probably be a lot less stressful if I could have an office kitten,” I thought.

Fast forward to now. Writing The Blog is a work from home job, so I *do* have an Office Pet. Ever wonder what that would be like? Allow me to show you Life With An Office Pet.

3 AM. I am sleeping and hope to do so for a couple more hours at least. The Cat has other ideas. 

 

CAT: Meow! (Hey! Are you awake?) Meow! (You should wake up and play with me.) Meow! (Seriously, I’m really bored.) Meow! (Hey, I think the people next door are awake. We should investigate!)

 

ME: (tosses and turns and hopes The Cat doesn’t hear me)

 

CAT: Meow! (Hey! I hear you in there. Why aren’t you coming out?) Meow! (It’s morning. You usually get up in the morning. I’m just trying to be helpful here.) Meow! (You don’t want my help? Fine! Screw you!) Sad meow! (Okay, I didn’t really mean to sound harsh there. You still love me, right?) Sad meow. (Right?) Sadder meow. (I’ll go away now.)

 

7 AM. Much as I’d prefer to stay in bed, it’s clearly time to get up and get moving. 

 

CAT: Meow. (It’s about time. I’ve been waiting out here for hours.)

 

ME: Come on, cat, let’s go downstairs.

 

*cat proceeds to charge down the stairs with a vengeance*

 

*I start making breakfast*

 

CAT (jumps up on counter): Meow! *sniff sniff sniff sniff*

 

ME: Down, cat! *sprays her with water bottle* Quit trying to sniff my food!

 

*I eat breakfast while cat stares at me creepily*

 

After breakfast I decide to fire up the laptop and start writing. The Cat decides this is her cue to help.

 

CAT: Meow! *jumps up on the headrest of the couch where I’m sitting*

 

ME: Just stay there, cat. That’s a good place to be.

 

CAT: Meow! *cat proceeds to walk down to my level and try to climb on my lap*

 

ME: Cat, I need to be able to type.

 

CAT: PurrrrrRRRrrrrRRRrrrRRR.

 

ME: Don’t do that, cat.

 

CAT: *plops down on keyboard and purrs louder* PURRRrrrrRRRRrrrRRR!

 

ME: Cat, I’ve got work to do.

 

CAT: *puts paw on my mouth to shut me up* *Yes, she really does this.*

 

After several failed attempts at trying to type WITH A CAT SITTING ON MY HANDS, I realize that work is not happening at this point.

 

ME: Well, I might as well enjoy the fact that she’s in a cuddly mood and watch some TV.

 

I turn on the TV and enjoy snuggling with The Cat. This lasts about 30 seconds until…

 

CAT: MEOW!!! *violently launches herself into the air and charges up the stairs to chase an invisible enemy that apparently only she can sense*

 

After chasing the invisible enemy, she disappears for a while. I take advantage of her absence and get some stuff done around the house. Eventually I start to worry that she may have slipped into an alternate dimension, because now she’s just being TOO quiet. Now I’ve gone from being relieved at having a break to searching desperately for her. I call her name. I check under beds. I’m starting to think the invisible enemy really does exist and has captured her. Just when I’m about to get really concerned…

 

MEOW! The Cat appears out of nowhere, proudly showing off the fact that during her fight with the invisible enemy she knocked over a trash can, the laundry hamper, and a potted plant. Well, she would have knocked over a potted plant if I actually had one. Thankfully, I do not. I am suddenly extremely grateful for my lack of green thumb. 

 

“Dammit, Cat!” I yell as I put everything back in place. “Why do you have to be so—”

 

“PURRrrrRRRrrrRRRrrrRRRrrr!” she says, rolling around, playfully showing off her belly. Don’t think for a second that this is an invitation to rub her belly, because she will bite the living daylights out of you if you try. 

 

I sigh. “I can’t stay mad at you. But back to work I must go,” I tell her as I return to my laptop. 

The Cat will often repeat these behaviors throughout the day. If the invisible enemy isn’t available to distract her, I find that grabbing one of her ten million toy mice and throwing it as far as I can usually works. Once she has sufficiently killed the evil toy mouse, though, she’s back to check on my laptop and offer her version of tech support.

At least once a week I go off site to write. That way I get the benefit of writing in a cat-free environment. But then I have to deal with Other People, and that’s a whole other post. And then I come home to an angry cat who feels abandoned, and I have to cuddle her until she feels secure enough to walk away with indifference.

So there you have it, friends. If you ever wondered what it’s like to work at home with a cat, now you know. It has its pros and cons. If after reading this post you’ve decided that working at home with a cat is something you’d like to pursue, let me know. The Cat is happy to provide consultation.