No breathalyzer required

Fun fact about me. I have never had an alcoholic beverage in my life. But apparently I do know what it’s like to be drunk. I’ve never had to wonder what I’m missing by not partaking, because SEVERAL people in my life have told me I act drunk when I’m tired.

I’ll let y’all be the judge as I describe this recent episode of sleepiness.

So The Husband and I had been on the road all day coming home from vacation. Driving makes me tired. Being a passenger makes me more tired, especially since I have to take motion sickness medication for long car trips. And the last couple nights I hadn’t gotten much sleep because I was too busy having fun.

“HUSBAND!” I said with urgency.

“Yes, wife?” he said.

I looked at him intently. “My arms are swords.”

The Husband cocked his head in confusion. “Say what now?”

I looked at him even more intently. “I said my arms are swords.”

The Husband gave me a look of understanding, but I was convinced he wasn’t getting it.

“SWORDS!” I said, waving my arms. “No, wait, I mean swords. Swords.” It still didn’t seem like he was getting it, so I tried saying it slower. “S_W_O_R_D_S.”

And then it hit me…

“Did I say swords? I meant sore. My arms are sore.”

“You need to go to bed right now,” said The Husband, peeling me off the couch.

I broke into hysterical laughter.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. And somehow that made me laugh harder. I’m talking snorting, gasping for breath, thinking I might pee my pants kind of laughing.

After getting upstairs and being poured into bed, I finally had an answer to his question.

“YOUR FACE!” I said, petting his beard.

“Go to sleep,” he said. “You need it.”

Apparently I said some other loopy stuff, but I don’t remember. All I know is that I woke up today no longer convinced that my arms were deadly weapons.

That’s all I’ve got for you this week, because as previously mentioned I’ve been out of town, and I’ve been really tired. Here’s hoping I get some better sleep now that I’m back home.

Until then, you should probably stay away from my dangerous arms.