Help Wanted

I had a completely different idea of what I wanted to write about this week. Guess I’ll save it for another time. My sleep deprivation, however…

…how was I going to finish that sentence?

Oh. Right. My sleep deprivation has fried my brain and I’m too tired to be creative. And so that brings me to this post.

Why am I so tired, you ask? A certain feline who shall remain nameless has taken to standing outside my door and meowing loudly at all hours.

The Husband and I are at a loss about what to do. The vet says she’s in excellent health, so it’s not illness. “Maybe she’s hungry,” was a suggestion. I don’t think that’s the case, as she has a mostly full bowl every morning.

The most common suggestion we’ve been given is to get her a playmate. That’s not really an option at this time for a variety of reasons.

So I wondered if there was a cat rental service where we could pay to borrow a cat a couple nights a week. But then I realized that would likely result in more lost sleep as I’d have to break up cat fights.

Then I was watching an episode of Modern Family where Haley starts her own business. I may have missed something as a result of dozing off throughout the episode, but it seemed like the idea was that she took pictures of herself just sitting around being lazy, and that made her a marketable social media guru.

“That’s it!” I said to myself. “I should hire Haley!”

I realize I can’t actually hire Haley, as she is a fictional character. But maybe I could hire some other young person who thrives staying up all night. They could come over and take pictures of themselves doing nothing and making duck faces. (Apparently making duck faces is the law if you’re going to make a career in social media.) Social media advertisers could pay big bucks to them for these pictures. And The Cat would be happy because she would have company. Maybe she could get in a few of the pictures and become a social media celebrity herself. And then I could make more money and could afford to get another cat, which means I wouldn’t need to have a stranger in my house taking pictures for Instagram every night. Until the two cats get bored with each other and then I have a Midnight Cat Concert in Stereo. And in a sleep deprived stupor I’ll hire another Instagram influencer, which will get me more money and fame, which could potentially lead to a third cat.

It’s brilliant!

Right? Brilliant?

Do I just need to go take a nap? It would probably be safer and cheaper to just take a nap.

Sigh. Well, that’s all I’ve got for this week. Hopefully I’ll be better rested soon. Until then, anyone want to volunteer to play with my cat?