Trick or Treat(y)

Once again, Halloween has snuck up on me. And once again, I am having the eternal candy struggle. What is my struggle, you ask? It is the question as old as time…what kind of candy should I get?

Let me clarify. I’m not asking myself what kind of candy I like. That’s easy. What I can’t figure out is what kind of candy will I give away.

On the one hand, I feel like I should get candy that I’m not crazy about. That way I won’t be sad to see it go.

But then I think, “maybe I should get candy I like so that if I’m stuck with it, I can enjoy it.” My neighborhood has lots of kids, but the trick or treat traffic has been pretty sparse. Now that our neighborhood is complete, though, things could turn around. Will I be crushed if I see all my favorites fleeing my house? If all the punk neighborhood kids get all my Dots and Kit Kats, will it start a riot? Wait, if I’m calling them punk neighborhood kids, do I even want to get them candy?

WARNING: MORE OVERTHINKING AHEAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

“Okay, Amy, they’re really not that bad,” I say to myself.

“Remember when they used to cut through your backyard all the time? That kind of behavior deserves punishment,” Self replies.

“Yeah, but since we put up the fence, that has stopped,” I reply.

“BUT THE MEMORY REMAINS,” Self continues. “PUNISH THEM. Punish them…with Tootsie Rolls.”

“You’re weird, Self.”

I keep thinking. What would the neighborhood kids think if I give them crappy candy? Will they find a way to resume cutting through my yard? Will they find other ways to make my life difficult? Maybe I should get good candy and lots of it to buy their love. But do I want the neighborhood kids to love me? What if I just want them to tolerate me? What is the best kind of candy for negotiating a truce, an agreement of mutual indifference? Toblerone? Is it Toblerone? WHAT WILL GRANT ME PEACE?!?

Before my head can explode from indecision, The Husband walks in with an oversized bag of candy from Costco. Crisis averted…for now.

What are your Halloween candy favorites? Tell me about them in the comments. I’m off to the store to claim my share of Dots.